Hey ho, Silver Machine

Yokohama Football Association One-Day Senior Football Tournament, February 11, 2008

Winners: Yokohama Seniors; Runners Up: Kawasaki 40+; Third: YC&AC Over 35s

Yokohama Football Association Chief Secretary Yamamoto presents the Third Place shield to Over 35s Captain Sada Hosogai. (Picture courtesy of Shingo Mishima, YC&AC)

The catchily named Yokohama Football Association One-Day Senior Football Tournament was held at the YC&AC ground February 11, forcing close to 100 middle-aged footballers out of their bed very early for a National Foundation Monday.

Among the six teams up for the Cup was a smaller-than-usual Silver Machine. We limped out for our first game at 09:45 a.m., the “general motoring” of less than 48 hours earlier still softly resonating in our bones. Across the thin white line stood the Korean side Koryu, who looked well hard in their red ginseng strip. PpphhhEEP! We got down to work.

Plod, plod, pass, pass, forage, forage GOAL! Petr Vyvial flicks in the loose ball after their keeper fumbles a long shot from me. Plod, plod, pass pass, forage, forage, corner. GOAL! Deadshot Somebodyorother bundles the ball over the line after the keeper “dropped it”. Good refereeing. Plod, pass, plod, pass, PEEP, PEEP, PEEEEEEEP! 2-0.

And that would be that for a few hours. We retired to the Breezeway for breakfast and a thumb twiddle and wondered how long it would be before a member of staff plucked up the courage to tell Buddy Ferrie to take off his boots.

Apart from the deft movement of Buddy’s cleats beneath the table, the other highlight of that long interval between games was the look of disgust on Petr Vyvial’s face when he saw the bill for his iced tea. We won’t be seeing a replay of that in a while!

Game on

At last it was our turn to play football again. Koryu had forced a draw out of our next opponents, Kawasaki 40+, in the penultimate game of our mini-league, meaning we needed a draw or better against the 40s to progress to the final. Confidence was high in the Silver ranks before kick-off, a fact perhaps reflected in Captain Sada Hosogai’s decision to change things around a bit at the back.

Neil Lawrence, who had been fitness fantastic in his customary left back slot in the first game, shifted to centreback, with Captain Sada sacrificing himself to make room. There were other changes… I can’t remember the details, but what everyone remembers is that for the first 10 or 15 minutes of this match we were absolute rhubarb. Custard-coloured Kawasaki poured all over us. Cross, header GOAL! Cross, header GOAL! Before we knew it, we were out.

Out, but not homeward bound. There was the small matter of a third and fourth place play-off to endure.

Tired, demoralised, and further depleted by the loss of leading goalscorer Marcos Pereira to a horrific little finger injury, the Silver Machine sputtered out for the play-off match against Kanagawa Juniors…

… and rallied itself.

What an effort this was! Petr Vyvial was the chief inspiration upfront, urging the team on with his aggressive brand of football and many a kind word. Gordon Deas in midfield maintained his fine recent form and kept things ticking over. At the back, Yaw Ofei Amoabeng’s contribution caught the eye, while Trevor Burton-Towell was simply outstanding.

Our goal came close to the end from one of several great corners curled in by Petr on the day, Gordon rising highest to meet it at the PBSE. Yes! It was then just a question of holding on, which is exactly what we did.

At the End of the Day…

Some of us hung around to watch the final, between Yokohama Seniors (the team which beat us so controversially in the Nishiumi Cup earlier in the season) and custard-coloured Kawasaki 40+. Yokohama Seniors were [grits teeth], it has to be said [mumble mumble] worthy winners. This time.

Then it was back to the Breezeway for fat fortified fried finger food (the chicken was rated quite highly), beer of course, and the presentation of the shields. It was good to see the peroxide blonde Hotto Shotto from Midorigaoka there with his team and apparently undamaged. Shotto had been stretchered off in the fifth and sixth place play-off match and taken to hospital in an ambulance after a quite dreadful clash with the Koryu keeper. Shotto is a great little player who some of you may remember was outstanding for us in a preseason friendly…

Stay lunge and injury free, folks!

Captain Sada shows off our shield with play-off match goalscorer Gordon Deas (left) and man of the tournament Trevor Burton-Towell.

UPDATE: Did that last match perhaps finish 2-1? I remember now Petr scoring with a very cool chipped finish over the keeper after he’d been slipped through. Or was the first match perhaps 3-0? Either way, Petr got two that day.

By Alex Hendy

Goals: Petr Vyvial (2), Deadshot Somebodyorother, Gordon Deas

Man of the tournament: Trevor Burton-Towell. Put in some incredible last-ditch tackles and kept sliding in to the end. “He is definitely the successor of Gary [McGregor]. The hard tackle.”–Captain Sada.

Referees: Good

Card count: None

Attendance: Close to 100.

Special thanks: To the good people of the Yokohama Football Association, who were out on the pitch all day. Sonkei.

Caption Competition?

YC&AC Seconds, captained by fitness fanatic Neil Lawrence, warm up stoically before every match. The Over 35s, by contrast, prefer to conserve their energy, but on occasion, from time to time, we do go through the motions. FOR FUN!

Just look at Buddy Ferrie there! Full of the joys, is he. And Stuart. Bless his cotton socks! Just look at them all. Look at them! (Click to enlarge.)

The Over 35s warm up before the General Motors match (see report below).

Silver Machine “Like Nothing Else”

Game 12, February 9

YC&AC 4 v General Motors 1

The Silver Machine was pleased to welcome a sort of vaguely General Motors up onto the hill February 9 for a match that would form a centrepiece of the latter’s 100th anniversary celebrations. (Thanks for the pennant, guys!)

Our opposition climbed down from their company Hummer in the manner of the Roman Army departing a small villa in Monty Python’s Life of Brian: in endlessly large numbers and apparently clueless. Nice motor, mind.

You must be freezin’, love! Here, wear this woolly silver and blue scarf…
[Picture sourced with permission from http://neilduckett.com/]

GM bigwig and YC&AC Captain Sada Hosogai naturally preferred to play for his Club, while fellow Silver Machine regulars Marcos Pereira and Ed Nishiie showed a shameful lack of loyalty by turning out for their employer.

At kick off the Silver Machine curled a collective hand around a metaphorical brick and went straight for GM’s in-car navigation system.

SMASH!

Our first came in the opening quarter courtesy of Alan Plater, who is a bit like Thierry Henry this season in that he seems incapable of scoring ordinary goals. Playing toward the Paul Blamire Shed End, Alan accepted a beautifully weighted pass from Mika Niemi about 20 yards out on the right, took the ball on a yard with the softest of touches and then thumped it. In response the keeper didn’t so much move as flinch. Awesome power and accuracy from the Supreme Administrator.

The second was less pretty but equally welcome, providing us with the comfy two-goal cushion we always crave. Being gentlemen, of course, we offered the cushion to our new friend in white, who accepted it with a batting of the eyelids and, naughtily, proceeded to take it with her past the massed ranks of GM reserves and over to the Silver side of the ground. [...] A corner on the right at the PBSE. A goalmouth scramble. The bottom of Gordon Deas’s right boot. Shunt! Get in there.

Our third was a curious affair. Harty Heesen, better known to most of us as a goalkeeper, played most of this match in an advanced midfield role, in which position he was mightily effective, showing great technique “for a big man.” In his gloves Harty might have sympathised with the GM keeper for allowing his 25-yard daisy cutter to slip through his fingers, but as a midfielder apparently he had no such qualms. Harty jogged back for the restart grinning from ear to ear.

Our fourth came close to the end. From just inside our own half yours truly curled a ball out to Alan Plater in the inside right channel. Alan ghosted past the challenge of the GM left back and bullishly carried the ball on toward the goal line. Showing remarkable strength and desire at such a late stage of the match, Alan steered over a superb cross to the far stick where an on-jogging me met it with a powerful header from one inch out.

Between times Marcos Pereira struck a goal from distance for GM, a mistake he compounded by celebrating with a clenched fist. That’s minus one in your Golden Slipper account I’m afraid, Marcos!

At the final whistle our supporters invaded the pitch, led by the lady in white, who by this time was resplendent in woolly silver and blue scarf, matching bobble hat, and proper long YC&AC thermal outer garments. The Silver Machine had done it again!

By Alex Hendy

YC&AC: The usual beamish crowd

Goals: Alan Plater, Gordon Deas, Harty Heesen, Alex Hendy

Man of the match: Alan Plater. Irrepressible.

Referees: Good

Card count: None

Attendance: Possibly 20, mostly GM reserves

Armani Wrestling

Game 11, January 26, 2008

YC&AC Over 35s 1 v ACA 2

The Over 35s welcomed ACA back to the Club at the end of January, with lightly folded arms. Our first match against the Armani Army this season, played in early November, had ended in a narrow 7-3 defeat, with the mock Italians’ “designer” style of play having somewhat rankled.

For those of you reading in black and white, ACA play in a fetching azure-hued strip, possibly cut from a silk-linen blend fabric and hand-stitched in Milan. Many of their men have lots of hair and several sport little beards and moustaches more cool even than that of our own Gordon Deas. Half their team don’t look a day over twenty and, well, yes: they can play the game a bit, too.

They’re poor actors, mind you. Their rolling around on the floor in this match was frankly a disgrace, even when it followed several thumping late challenges from a speeding Martin Hornung. Get up.

First twenty then, and it was backs-to-the-wall stuff for the duration. The Silver Machine defended heroically, but cruelly we trooped off at the interval 1-0 down, ACA registering with the last kick of the quarter.

We improved in the second quarter, and at the end of it were again unlucky with the referee’s sense of timing. A sweet ball over the top had sent yours truly galloping away only to be halted by a shrill half-time peep in his ear.

For all their attacking verve ACA looked vulnerable at the back, and we deservedly equalised in the third quarter, with yet another goal from the team’s Brazilian magician, Marcos Pereira. Although this effort was more Frank Lampard than it was Ronaldinho—MP’s shot from outside the box took a huge deflection before nestling in the bottom left-hand corner—they all count, and Marcos was duly mobbed by almost the entire team for his strike. The moment demonstrated the fantastic team spirit we have built up this season, as well as just how badly we wanted to beat the Armani Army.

Harty legs it back to goal after sneaking up unnoticed for a corner

Sickeningly of course ACA soon struck back, one of their younger players scoring a bit of a beauty after a long jinking run. The boy should have seen yellow for his celebration, however, his dance with the corner flag being the most ungentlemanly of conduct.

Still, we kept our heads up and pressed on, and at the death almost struck what would have been a sensational second equaliser. A slick move down the right culminated with a superb cross that an unmarked Yaw Ofei Amoabeng just failed to reach inside the six-yard box. The “ooooph”s from the bench were loud and heartfelt.

This was another big, big effort from the Silver Machine against very good opposition, and we left the ground for the wall with our heads held high.

By Alex Hendy

Goals: Marcos Pereira

Squad: Picture on the Squad page

Man of the Match: Our defence

Refs: Excellent

Card Count: Gordon Deas (yellow)

Attendance: A fair few. President Marcel was there again. A Russell Brown daughter watched much of the match. Trevor’s wife and dog were there once more. Alan’s dog of course. I’ve noticed those two dogs get on rather well actually. Wouldn’t it be lovely if… No. Right.

Rimes of the Ancient Marinos

Game 10, January 19, 2008

YC&AC Over 35s 3 v Marinos Papas 2

The Over 35s enjoy playing the Marinos Papas so much it makes us want to break out in song. Their sportsmanship, positive approach to the game and inferiority in all footballing departments make them our very favourite opposition, after Johnson & Johnson.

One obvious candidate for our Song for the Papas would be “Papa’s Got a Brand New Pigbag”. The post-punk-jazz hit from 1981/2 has been adopted by fans of many teams in the U.K., notably Celtic, who use the tune to serenade the former Yokohama Marinos player Nakamura Shunsuke.

So, all together now boys:

Du du du du Papa Papaas; Du du du du Papa Papaas…

It’s nigh on three weeks since we played this match, and as my memory of the action has faded, so the burden of writing this report has hung ever more heavy, as though the Ancient Marinos’ albatross, dead, were hung around my neck.

Ah ! well a-day ! what evil looks
Had I from old and young !
Instead of the cross, the Albatross
About my neck was hung.

—From The Rime of the Ancient Mariner, by Samuel Taylor Coleridge

Statue of your match reporter at Watchet, Somerset, England

Marino-kun, the Yokohama Marinos’ [coughs] alba [coughs] tross mascot

It’ll be good to get this off my chest.

So, yes, this was a chantably enjoyable game played in an excellent spirit. More importantly, it finished in victory for the Fives. The game also featured three fantastic YC&AC goals, the second of which I’m nominating as a contender for goal of the season.

Our first came early in the opening quarter. Playing towards our home supporters all wrapped up warm in the Breezeway, it suddenly and quite unexpectedly transpired that Captain Sada Hosogai would appear out on the left wing, the ball at his feet, charging forward menacingly. Twenty yards out our centreback looked up and whipped over a cross to the jogging feet of Yaw* on the edge of the box. Without breaking stride our striker rifled his shot first-time into the bottom left-hand corner.

[Sound of a bird hitting the deck.]

The second came from an unlikely source: Alan Plater. Our Supreme Administrator has been playing a lot of some racket sport recently and has appeared distracted, so it was good to see Alan, so prolific in preseason, back among the goals.

Water, water, every where,
And all the boards did shrink;
Water, water, every where,
Nor any drop to drink.

And what a goal it was too. Late in the second quarter Alan won possession thirty yards out and set off on a mission. Using pace, strength and sheer bloody-mindedness Alan held, lost and won back possession as he ploughed purposefully toward the pool. Then suddenly he shot. From fractionally inside the deadball line at the point where it meets the six-yard line Alan let fly. As the ball fizzed across the back of the net, memories of that Van Basten goal for Holland flashed through our collective memory. “He had no right pulling the trigger from that angle!” (Ron Atkinson). What a goal!

Alan Plater rises to meet a Martin Hornung corner. Click the picture to spot the ball. My money’s on the first defender…

The third followed a typically cool piece of football from Russell Brown. Somebody or other teed up the Yokohama International School Mathematician-in-Chief 25 yards out at the Paul Blamire Shed End. You could almost read Russell’s mind as he quickly weighed up his options. He wouldn’t just blast it like some common or garden Steven Gerrard. He could see the chip wasn’t on. To square it would show a lack of responsibility. He could dink it into the box. But no. He’d stroke the ball hard and low into the bottom right hand corner. Simplicity itself.

The Papas’ goals were remarkable for the defensive misfortunes that preceded them. Harty Heesen expertly parried two shots from the same player in as many seconds before the striker eventually fired over him and past a visibly frustrated Sada on the line. Had our Captain detected a foul in the build up? For their second we were again a little unlucky. With Harty having saved spectacularly with his chest, the striker did surprisingly well to score with his follow-up from 12 yards, firing into the space left between two defenders on the line.

As often happens, the Papas raised their game after the goals, and perhaps even sniffed an upset. But at the end of the day we always had too much for them. Martin Hornung hit the bar at the end after a great run, and to be fair, Brian, a fourth wouldn’t have flattered us.

All of that said, the Papas are definitely getting better, as the sequence of results accurately suggests. Russell Brown could probably give us a score forecast for the next game based on the 8-0, 3-0, 3-2 sequence to date.

Is that a chant of “You’re not singing anymore!” I hear in the distance?

I fear thee, Ancient Marinos!
I fear thy skinny hands!
And thou art long, and lank, and brown,
As is the ribbed sea-sand.

By Alex Hendy

Goals: Yaw, Alan Plater, Russell Brown

Squad: Who’s got the picture? Come on…

Man of the Match: All the good men of the Marinos Papas

Refs: Good

Card Count: None

Attendance: Possibly 30, most of them in the Breezeway

*Yaw, what’s your surname, mate?