Darts, Denim, and Phil “Beckham” Denham

Preseason friendly, September 22, 2007

YC&AC 3 v Marinos Papas 0

If our last fixture was seen to clash with the previous night’s rugby then this one definitely clashed with the darts. It was an ill reporter indeed who somehow turned up for this match against the Marinos Papas, played at what has become our home-from-home, Shin-Yoko Football Park.

Since I spent much of the game on the bench with my head in my hands, my recollections of the action are far from full. However, with a little help from Alan Plater I’ve knocked together a sort of report. (If Alan did in fact put Martin through with “a glorious pass which cut their defence in two” for the third goal, please point this out in the responses/comments.)

YC&AC went in to this match with a slight psychological advantage over the Papas having thrashed the poor sods 8-0 in the previous meeting. For those who don’t know, the Papas are the fathers of players in the professional Yokohama Marinos youth system. One can only assume that the young players’ talent comes from their mama’s side, because the Papas, to be fair, are hardly Shunsuke standard.

Lovely blokes mind you. It’s not every team that lays on beer and sandwiches for the opposition afterwards and denim-skirted Red Bull girls at half-time. Lay on some cheerleaders next time, chaps, and we’ll think about keeping the score down to 1!

Domination

This was a game YC&AC dominated from start to finish. Even so, for well over half the match we just couldn’t get the ball in the net. The Papas’ best player in the first two quarters was undoubtedly their keeper, who was equal to anything we managed to get on target, which was not an awful lot.

Peter Fairbrother must have pinged at least five wide of both posts. Matt Tuck was another to curse his shooting boots. And how young Simon Carden failed to score is a question only he’ll be able to answer. Simon, son of Kevin, showed some lovely skills and took up some great positions, but whenever he went to pull the trigger his body was suddenly and cruelly inhabited by what looked like Diego Forlan in a Manchester United strip. Don’t worry, Simon, we’ve all been there, but what an opportunity that was to become the youngest player ever to score for the over-35s!

At the three-quarter point the Papas made the curious decision to replace their keeper with a person who, for all the distance he was getting on his kicks, looked better suited to darts. Perhaps the Papas put vodka in their Red Bull at half-time? Next time they want to try chu-hi, which seemed to do the business for Paul Blamire in the cricket the next day!

When the breakthrough finally came it was cause for relief rather than celebration. Matt Tuck scored it—a low shot from a jinking little run as I recall. Tuck was a constant menace down the left with his strength, skill and passing. It’s a great shame for us that although this player qualifies for the over-35s he’ll be playing second-team football next season.

The second was unforgettable. Alan Plater went down on the edge of the box after a strong challenge from a Papa and the referee, who may as well not have been there for all the decisions he made in this match, responded to Alan’s theatrics by giving the free kick. Alert to the ref’s ineptitude Phil Denham, who was magnificent throughout, placed the ball several yards back and in from where the “foul” occurred and took aim. The beauty of what happened next is best described visually.

The third came from a mishit pass by Alan Plater. Martin (surname?) latched onto it and surged into the box before firing gleefully past a terrified keeper. Martin was another to put in a big performance in this game. Great engine and a truckload of skill. Damn, the seconds are going to be good next season.

And so are we.

Thanks are owed again to Kambayashi-san at Shin-Yoko Football Park, to Captain Sadao Hosogai for setting up the game, and to the opposition for their enthusiasm, friendliness and lovely puchi-puchi Red Bull girls.

YC&AC: Paul Blamire, Kevin Carden, Simon Carden, Gordon Deas, Phil Denham, Kazu, Peter Fairbrother, Alex Hendy, Nick McDonald, Steve Mckie, Alan Plater, Ryuji, Thorstein Strand, Matt Tuck, Yao

Goals: Matt Tuck, Phil Denham, Martin

Man of the match: Phil Denham—Put in the kilos and served up the quality. Capped a fine all-round display with a brilliant goal.

Referee: Poor

Attendance: A good dozen I’d say

By Alex Hendy

Plater Bags Four in Shin-Yoko Turkey Shoot

Preseason friendly tournament, September 9, 2007

YC&AC 2 v Yokohama Seniors 0
YC&AC 3 v Yokosuka Seniors 0
YC&AC 6 v Iwasaki 45 0

Other scores irrelevant—YC&AC Over-35s Champions

The Over-35s’ preseason exertions continued Sept. 9 with a resounding triumph in the inaugural Turkey Shoot Shield at Shin-Yoko Football Park.

Given that the fixture “clashed” (Steve McKie, Sept. 8 ) with an England Rugby World Cup match the night before and also involved away travel, it was a surprisingly large squad that assembled before 9:00 a.m. looking to shake off more of the summer’s cobwebs (fat).

Our ranks were swelled, it should be said, by several players from the firsts and seconds, one or two of whom moreover were at least a decade shy of the required vintage. Never mind: their presence made for good entertainment. Young Ginger (who it was agreed at least has the right body shape to be an over-35) and fellow first-teamer Matt Black frequently drew ooohs and aaahs from the watching opposition (and sniggers from the YC&AC bench) as they puppied their way around the park.

It was only right in the circumstances—several of our opposition must have been touching 60—that we limited the whippersnappers’ contributions to killer ten-minute spells. Ginger even self-consciously substituted himself after one move that he started and oh-so-coolly finished. Steve McKie, Peter Fairbrother and Matt Tuck, who together will probably form the spine of the seconds next season, provided further welcome injections of quality.

For the Fives
The game was played out in withering heat, but even so the (true) Over-35s put in a performance that augers well for the coming season. One moment summed up our potential. Early in game three, Wingnut chased long and hard what seemed a certain lost cause down the left, narrowly kept the ball in play, then calmly found the pass that sent us on our way to a crushing six (we think) goal victory. Wingnut’s subsequent rolling of the arms to be substituted was comical, but in the season to come commitment like that could be the difference between laughter in victory and the usual state of grumpiness.

On which note special mention must be made of Vice-Captain Alan Plater. Alan put in a tireless performance here, one which combined pace with bullish industry and a Romario-esque slipperiness (enhanced by a generous coating of maximum protection sun block). Like a bar of soap in a child’s hot tub Alan popped up everywhere, and by the end of play had bagged an astonishing four goals.

Unfortunately for Alan, goals in preseason don’t “count”—even if they’re a “goal of the season” (Alan Plater, Sept. 15) like the one I scored. Nice try, Alan. The season kicks off on October 22 with the slate for the Golden Boot clean at love all.

Thanks are owed again to Kambayashi-san at Shin-Yoko Football Park, to Captain Sadao Hosogai for setting up the games, and to the opposition for their patience and understanding.

YC&AC: Matt (Black?), Paul Blamire, Budda, Gordon Deas, Peter Fairbrother, Ginger, Alex Hendy, Sadao Hosogai, Yoshiyuki Kurasaki Steve Mckie, Ed Nishiie, Marcos Pereira, Alan Plater, Thorstein Strand, Matt Tuck, Wingnut,

Goals: Alan Plater (4), Ginger, Alex Hendy, Gordon Deas (?), Who Else?

Man of the match: Alan Plater. On this showing a contender for the Golden Boot. Pace, power, endurance and slipperiness.

Attendance: Three (inc. parking attendant)

Doggies
Pain lovers thinking of playing for any of the YC&AC’s three teams next season may care to take part in our weekly training sessions, held on the pitch every Saturday from 11:00. Orchestrated by Neil Lawrence, stomach-turning shuttle sprints are followed by five-a-side fun in the gym. Trust us, these sessions will make a big difference to your fitness levels.

Warning: The start of the new season is just weeks away.

By Alex Hendy

Alan Plater in training (left). Click to enlarge.